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[21 Aug 2008|11:53am] |
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i'm home, fuck you florida.
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[14 Aug 2008|11:43am] |
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i'm in the hospital again, this time. on my vacation. i went to florida with bren, joe, patty and vin for bren's grad gift. his parents let him use their timeshare. so we drive down, we unpack and hav a few hours if relaxing. i had a few drinks, went to sleep and woke up at 4am una le to breath. did meds and it got worse, so i went to wake up vin and had him drive me to the nearest emergency room. i've been here since. i should be getting out tonight. oh my lung collapsed gain, the same lung that i had surgery on. the surgery kept it from collapasing completely, but still. this is aggrivating me. i feel like i never get to do anything
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[30 Jul 2008|01:33pm] |
thenamesterry: 3 hours later she is in a coma as u smoke a cig, standing atop a liff with a cresting ocean beneath, the american flag waving behind u as u state" And I only came once"
MikeTheRipper12: lol
MikeTheRipper12: sounds like a will smith movie
thenamesterry: well i casted him but his agent never responded
MikeTheRipper12: fool
thenamesterry: but when i think black rapper turned actor turned mega star, i think Mike.
MikeTheRipper12: lol
today is a gooood day
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[24 Jun 2008|10:13am] |
i'm home now, yay.
=) i'll post later on what happened but more or less.
i'm sore from the surgery.
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| you can always strike a good man down |
[21 Jun 2008|10:44pm] |
so here we are again my livejournal friends.
i sit at the precipice of another cornerstone in my life.
i am AGAIN in the hosptial
for once its not lung related
intussusception
thats what i got.
basically part of my large intestine sucked another part into self. like a telescope.
it was causing extreme stomach pain, cramping and such. since monday. i was goin to class and such with these incredible pains.
friday i had a doctors appointment and went in and the doc saw me during some of the cramping or concrations as my mom called them (they reminded her of when she would get contractions during childbirth) and the doc put me through the ER to get some pain meds. i sat in the ER for a good fucking year (6 hours) getting tested and blah blah blah. finally later that night i got up to my room. they have been giving me diladid for the pain, a normal dose of only 2 miligrams every 4-5 hours...if i feel so inclined to take it.
but anyway, today i did a procedure to try and avoid surgery.....its "noninvasive" blah blah buulllshit
more or less its a colonoscopy but a colonoscopy made by the devil
right so they shoved up tube in mah butt, then the filled my intestines with air to try and force them back to a normal position with pressure.
the doc said that this was a "minor discomfort at best" LIES LIIIIES. i can't capitaliaze large enough.
it was pain that was bordering on the limit of my threashold. never had i expereinced having to throw up and take a dump at the same time in my life. but not only that but on EXPLOSIVE levels.
so the whole procedure was working, slowly, andi guess SLOWLY wasn't good enough for dr.rushesthoughthings
decided to keep putting more and more pressure in my intestines to make it move back faster. but the more pressure there was the more pain i was in. needless to say i told him to stop andi coulden't go on anymore.
my intestine had moved 2/3rd the way back to where it was supposed to go. so it wasn't a complete failure. just apainful.....uncomfortable and embaressing one. showin a room full of nurses my pale ass and dong. all the while farting my head off because dr.squeezehappy filled me up like a carnival balloon.
so anyway, onto what was goin on just prior to this entry.
the surgical consult came to me to talk to me about what was gonna happen now that i had to have surgery tomorrow. what they will try to do and if they can't do it the other proceedures they will do. the dangers and risks of each and also general information that was never told to me last time.
such as, yes i'll have a catheder in place :( mike not happy for his dong. i'll have a suction tube down my throat , i'm sure thats annoying too.
anyway, he showed me where i would have insissions and such for each surgical proceedure.
no matter how i (excuse the pun) cut it. i'm gonna end up with more scars. either a few small ones along my diaphram area or a long one that runs up the length of my abdomen, dead center, only circling around my bellybutton.
either way the surgery is making me nervous. i'm not happy about it, especially being last week i was feeling great!
while they're in me they're gonna be searching for a reason as to why this happened. I.E. looking for some kinda growth or pylop or blockage, gnome living in me. something that woulda have caused my intestine to get hung up on it, and then sucked into my other intestine. blah. so yea, they're gonna come and get me for the surgery at like 6 something AM tomrrow, knock my ass out and then give me a drug regimine of post surgical pain killers, wich will most likely be MORE high level doses of dilaudid. wooo, i konw you guys loved reading that entry i made all doped out. i hope your ready for another one.
anyway....:( i'm scared
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[17 Jun 2008|11:37pm] |
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i wonder where everyone went
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[11 Jun 2008|12:09am] |
Lauren,
Listen to Richard Cheese's cover of "I wanna fuck you like an animal" everytime i listen to it i smile and think of you. my little rivit-head ;)
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[04 Jun 2008|03:16pm] |
yo yo yo g-dawg mcjiggas. why don't you blat blat that powamajigga with a rocketlauncha.
Tayley, Lauren. If your out there (which presumably you are, since your not here with me) i would like to bring your attention to
http://www.absurdness.us/index.php
that webcomic. its cuteness reminds me both of you.
and the absurdity (its in the name) reminds me of tayley's uh...."alter personality"
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| hey! and i return! |
[23 May 2008|04:30am] |
from whence the darkeness bore a son, his name was mike. he typed this blog.
first deals first. lately i've been feelin pretty good. i'm staggering my predinizone dose slowly. lowering it. right now i'm down to 20, was at 30mlgs a day. the prednizone even that low of a dose is able to assert itself over my body's tendencies because of my low weight.
i'm eating almost uncontrollably. as a result i'm now in the ballpark area of 125 pounds give or take how much i've eaten. combined this with my somewhat casual workout routine for pushups, for the first time in a year or so i have given a normal human blood pressure. not a retarted low "90 over 60" or back in the day when i was 165 pounds from prednizone 185 over 90.
nope, my blood pressure is a thump thumping 119 over 75. was nice. especially considering that i was getting a kidn of physical today.
today was may 22nd, the day of my lung transplant review.
so let me back up there for ya. i got up and left the house before 6AM to get on the road to get to the appointment at 10. it was in super super super upper manhatten, the areas no one goes too unless you live there. i tell you what, you'd think having that much time to get there would be easy right? wrong. there was slew of super rediculous accidents that my father was able to skirt around, getting us to greatneck (still 30 minutes fro the city on a good day) . luckily, my uncle ed lives in greatneck. so we went to his precinct (he's a cop) and he gave us a ride in ye olde paddy waggon (me in the back of course >.>) to the train station there. we caught a ride and in 20 minutes were standing in penn station.
great, got to the city. woo!
penn station 37th street and 7th ave.
where i had to go?
broadway and 186th street.
for those who don't know manhatten very detailed. thats an epic treck through the city. a 40 min ride by subway, most of the time there are breakdowns on the lines which make that go to about 60 minutes. only other ways? bus or cab.
so we hailed a cab and had him drive us up there. that was a quick $30 cab ride. ouch
enough about how we got there literally 5 minutes before appointment.
i met with a very competent doc in the transplant team, she breifly went over my files tha they had, noting what was missing, and asking me questions about my medications and such.
she looked at my catscans from when my lungs collapsed and some xrays.
she asked me if i was sexually active, smoked, drank excessively, did any drugs or anything that would bar me from being a candidate. nothing. wooo.
she told me i was going to be getting a blood test and a urine test today. very breifly. then described in detail the transplant, how things work and the reprocussions of everything.
more or less i can tell you flat out, reducing this entire visit into a sentance for you. my readers. cuz i love ya.
A person who has CF can easily take care of transplant lungs, and will find them much more convienient, even with the inherant risks of donor organs. but you michael as of right now, are outright way way too healthy to be a candidate. wonderful. thats fine, i already know this.
but the review board will meet friday (today now) and discuss my past medical history (all my hospital visits, how long i was on predinizone, etc) and then see if that more then likely should i have a catastrophic failure or just decrease enough to the point. i will haev a lung transplant team already working for me.
so more or less its a kind of insurence plan.
the only thing that ptus me off of the whole damn thing is theres a 30% chance that no matter what, i might have diabeties after the transplant.
not a fan of wanting to cataloge what i eat. no insolin shots and whatnot.
anyway, so after that i had to get blood drawn. the phlebotnist was impressed with my vein's as per usual, i was impressed with how much blood of mine she took.
14 viles of blood.
then the urine test and i had to listen to financial and then a surgeon came to talk to me.
maybe he shoulda talked to me before they took my blood or talked about financial and insurence policies.
i had a very very hard time staying awake through his very droll boring droneing voice.
oh well.
so yea,thats how my lung transplatn review went . left at 6AM to get there, got home at 3PM.
still not freakin asleep. why? my mind won't stop buzzing. i'm kinda hoping this will help.
other then this. me and bren went to a comedy club earlier tonight, saw some comedians from comedy central there (from premium blend)
they were funny though.
the comedians got alot funnier once i finished my 2 rum and cokes. ahhh 2 drink minimum.
after the comedy club me and bren walked to the fair across the parkinglot. we diden't feel like hanging out with all the super jailbait kiddies riding the rides flashing their trainer bras at their boyfriends and taking out their retainers before they kiss. so me and bren decided to just get soem food and leave.
so i got a corn dog, which i let bren take a bite from because he never had tried one before.
and for dessert i washed that down with a deep fried 3 musketeers bar.
yea
i can scratch off "eat a deep fried candy bar" of my list of thigns to do before i die.
it was amazingly different, and delicious.
then we went back to bren's to hang out for a bit, and then i came home.
i've been trying to go to sleep since like 1AM.
not gonna lie, i'm alittle pissed i can't sleep.
anyway. love ya guys.
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[21 Apr 2008|12:21pm] |
oh god, i've found happiness in pure food.
ben and jerry's smore's ice cream
make me a rum and coke to go with that and i'm a happy boy
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| H.X.C. WORD! |
[21 Apr 2008|12:09am] |
Yo yo yo B boy that shit's for real, motherfucker. Shit. Bitch. Fucking ass and blat blat.
:D
How is everyone out there in TeeVee land huh? Everyone still on the same bat time, same bat channel?
good, i hope you are.
I've been recovering since i got out of the hospital after my surgery, it was a pretty boring and painful recovery. But i've made it, wooo.
thought i just got the packet in the mail the other day for the lung transplant info, apparently i have an appointment may 22nd to go before a review board to see if i'm an "acceptable candidate". If you guys don't know what i mean by "acceptable candidate" i mean that
1. insurance company will cover (atleast half) of the surgery (they will cover all of it due to my mother being a state worker)
2. i have a full supportive family (children with broken families, alocholic parents or single parents are often turned down because of this. and its quite fucked up)
3. i'm not a drug user or a smoker
being i already qualify for all three i should go to the next step where they do a physical assesment to see how much weight i have to gain (i will have to gain weight regardless being i'm only 116 pounds again...yay hospital!)
recently to help kill time and...teach myself something new. i picked up a new instrument.
i decided i wanted to learn a traditional irish folk instrument. being when i tried the bagpipes i almost died from the lung pressure involved, i immediately ruled those out, drums.....gay...so i moved onto the only other two irish folk instruments i knew of
the fiddle and the concertina.
i judged both...i love the fiddle..but the concertina is unconventional and really cool.
so i fucked around on the net (who hasn't) for a few hours and uncovered a place in maryland that not only makes and sells concetina accordians, but also rents them and repairs them! wooo. so i rented a concertina and in a few days i had one of my own.
a C/D key roschelle concertina.
its quite difficult being its a 30 key concertina, its fully harmonic so the push is different from the pull. meaning theres two notes for every key
so...60 notes.
its fun though, portable and i don't have to have anything to do with my lungs to play it. i still would like to learn the fiddle one day.
theres also other versions of the concertina, i have an anglo which is the traditional irish concertina, its a fusion of a german and english concertina.
english is cool being its like bawdy sea-shanties and drinking songs. different thumb straps and key set up, i'd like to try that at some point later on.
on other fronts...i've gotten for some reason, really back into star wars. i started readin the thrawn triliogy, i bought star wars: empire at war for the computer, and its really not helping that SpikeTV is playing every star wars movie constantly lately.
i tried to find some vampire the masqurade books....i read them all back in the day, but after ghehenna they went to the "dark ages" which i found annyoing at the time. now i just wish i could find them because i miss me some cappodocians and malkavians.
maybe i can find them on amazon.com
the internets hold vast secrets! i just have to make them reveal their secrets to me! >=D
oh, for anyone who is reading this and likes...kinda weird funky funny music.
go to youtube and type in "Dr.Macdoo under the kilt" its a funny weird techno kinda song thing where a whacky scottsman just drives a bus pulling objects from under his kilt.
and if some of you guys like browser games
http://www.holy-war.de/EN/World4/bin/?advertiser=35813
anyway, i'll talk to you guys later.
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[28 Mar 2008|08:27pm] |
i'm home again, been home for a week and i had my follow up with the surgeon. it went well.
:) finally
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[11 Mar 2008|03:41am] |
i haven't written writtenn anything in awhile.mostly because of cristine, i just dideded no too. anyway, as you all know i'm in the hospital and tuesday (today) i'm getting lung surgery to ahear my lung to my chest wall ....=p
while i'm extremely nervous about this (they're giving me aniexty meds) i just want it to be over already.
so earlier today they came and hooked up a dilaudid drip box. (like a morphine drip box) anyway, so since they put me on it....odd.....stuff...
my father was here and said he watched very subtle but slow transformations of me on it. i would slowly relax more and more and every 4 minutes i would hit i for another dose.
i fell asleep.....i rember floating and happiness.....then my friend bren's face appeared, staretd talkin in giant (big nose and other such things) i sat there as bren's face got comfortable, suddnely nessa appears in the backseat of m jeep.
ya, instantly i am overjoyed and go kiss her. at some point during the night on our adventures to find rainbows and mashmellows (giant talking brens's face had to know where everything was) at this point ...i literally woke up...woke up sitting infront of my computer. just like this, but i had laid dowwn and turn off the laptop.an arrow sticcking out of the man next to you. we were at war now.
I could feel the power over whateer it is making me act faster then normal (to MY knowledge). to everyone i was talking too online, i was babbling and falling apart. at this point Vanessa came online. i still have her conversation open.
MikeTheRipper12: your living in a forsest, none of the trees have yet to hionyea i
MikeTheRipper12: hi....
MikeTheRipper12: what was i writing
MikeTheRipper12: hit on you
MikeTheRipper12: yea
MikeTheRipper12: and then the apartment doent' haev e carpet looks like n stuff
MikeTheRipper12: cuz its not supposed tooooo, its supposed to be bald down there
puddlediverr: you're fucked up arent you?
MikeTheRipper12: hehe
MikeTheRipper12: 's a wee bit
MikeTheRipper12: so here i was layin....and i says to myself i says "mike" well it was more acually 'like "mahheeyykA" cuz i was kinda drugged too.and then i zoom away inot tehrozetknoief
MikeTheRipper12: whoa
MikeTheRipper12: where did bren go
MikeTheRipper12: i was just sitting here talking to him
puddlediverr: i have no idea
MikeTheRipper12: oh cool
MikeTheRipper12: its nessa
MikeTheRipper12: :-) i like nessa
puddlediverr: thanks haha
MikeTheRipper12: your wlecome. is this nessa? am i talking to nessa?
puddlediverr: yes you are
puddlediverr: why?
MikeTheRipper12: makeing sure theres no dopplegangers
MikeTheRipper12: cuz they're evil
MikeTheRipper12: evil brin stealing children
MikeTheRipper12: i asked doctor ladyface
MikeTheRipper12: to test me for steril today
MikeTheRipper12: and she said "i'll be back to you, lata"
MikeTheRipper12: so apparnetly i won't know ocompelty about bein steril or not until lataz
MikeTheRipper12: whatevering that much be
MikeTheRipper12: nessa
MikeTheRipper12: how did i get here
puddlediverr: sorry
puddlediverr: i was reading something
puddlediverr: how did you get there?
MikeTheRipper12: i was takin a nap
puddlediverr: what did they give you?
MikeTheRipper12: and now i woke up
MikeTheRipper12: and i'm online
puddlediverr: so you mite be able to have babies?
MikeTheRipper12: i don't rember doin anyhing
MikeTheRipper12: i want your babies
MikeTheRipper12: yes
MikeTheRipper12: give me your love child?
MikeTheRipper12: nessaaaaa
MikeTheRipper12: i hope you don't think badly of me
puddlediverr: i don't think badly of you
MikeTheRipper12: cuz i'm doped my mind right now. and this dosen't normall happen to me at all
puddlediverr: you're obviously fucked up tho
puddlediverr: haha
puddlediverr: it's okay
MikeTheRipper12: and my butt is itchy (
MikeTheRipper12: :-(
puddlediverr: lol
MikeTheRipper12: i can't get to it cuz thats where i'm sittin
MikeTheRipper12: if i move it then i won't be sittin no more
puddlediverr: lol
MikeTheRipper12: ohhhh i'm sneaky
MikeTheRipper12: i got in there and out like a navy seal in teh GAP
puddlediverr: lol
MikeTheRipper12: my nessa? is that you
MikeTheRipper12: i guess no
MikeTheRipper12: not*
MikeTheRipper12: cuz nessa woulda been like "yea! hey whats up"
MikeTheRipper12: and i wulda been like "nofin"
MikeTheRipper12: and then some kinda stuff woulda happened and i would snuggled her
MikeTheRipper12: and it woulda a good day
MikeTheRipper12: thats my goaaaaal
MikeTheRipper12: in life
puddlediverr: wow
puddlediverr: lol
puddlediverr: you're nuts
puddlediverr: it's funny tho
MikeTheRipper12: aw it is nesssa
MikeTheRipper12: :-) yay
MikeTheRipper12: i' mglad its the real nessa and not soem evil MTV clone
puddlediverr: lol
MikeTheRipper12: df durgk
MikeTheRipper12: durk rdurka
MikeTheRipper12: and then GI joe ordered a large chocoalte shake
MikeTheRipper12: he dosent need to watch is girlish figure like i do
MikeTheRipper12: whats your opinion nessa on space cowboys
puddlediverr: i dont have one hahaMikeTheRipper12: i belive they're an ingetral part of space society. without them we can't have space rodeos, or space burgers (even though your space vegitarian). but more so, without them, space pirates would be fighting them stupid space ninjas allllll by themslves
MikeTheRipper12: and thst not far
MikeTheRipper12: fair*
puddlediverr: haha fair enough
MikeTheRipper12: nessa sandwhich
puddlediverr: haha brb
MikeTheRipper12: sounds delicious
puddlediverr is away at 10:33:12 PM.
MikeTheRipper12: i want some delicious nessa sandwhich
Auto response from puddlediverr: talking about god with joanna - what an exciting endeavor.
MikeTheRipper12: my mous issapeared :-(
MikeTheRipper12: i found itQ@
MikeTheRipper12: i found my mouse :-)
puddlediverr signed off at 11:36:06 PM.
MikeTheRipper12: i need ot tlak to you
sorry...long i know
but that was'tn even bad really....
so yes, if you can gather from that conversation, at some POINT i went to sleep and woke up, went on AIM and then became conciouss of my actons.....i'm still having a hard time focusing completely on things i wanna do or write, i'll zone out for half a second my mind goes blank.
spelling is extremely difficult like this, but nothing compared to earlier.
anyway, so after that conversation with Vanessa i started CALLING PEOPLE on my cell phone. this is why technology plus drugs is a very bad idea.
i believ i called Vin, bren patty and.....finally....emily emma. i'll explain the last one in a bit
Vin, bren and patty were amazed at how fucked up i sounded, babbling on about anything that came into my head and barely being cohesive.
Emmy.........who...i love, i always have and always will love her....i....told her this. well you see, three years ago i had a chance to ask her out, i shoulda just went for it, and is been eating me from the inside out since then.
so here i am, barely conhesive, blabbering on. the phone about someting, suddenly she apologises for not seeing me last week or the visit before that . i break down and start sobbing....she asks me whats wrong and i tell her that nothing she does could ever be wrong, she diden't mean to hurt me, but i just care for her so much.
she got quiet.
i go on and explain that...every since highs i've had a crush on her, in senior year (i was going to public school at this point) she contacted me randomly to hang out and we went on a date. that one date made me so happy.........Here i was, still geeky and insecure about myself, and this gorgeous smart women is interested in me. not only that but she has smiliar hobbies and interests as i do.
it was too good to be true, i wanted to ask her out so badly...but at the end of the summer i was going to florida for school and well...we know the rest of that.
i'm on the phone holding back tears and telling emma about how....maybe if i never left, things would be so different, it would be how theyr'e supposed to be. i would be with her :) and my lungs would be fine because i never abused them like i did in florida.
so back and forth we go, both of us getting more and more upset.....until finally i just said it "i love you emmy...i always have, and i always will"
and then.....she "i do too, i always kinda knew,and i always loved you back" i could picture her smiliing. the gears in my head turn and i ask her "what about your boyfiend" and she replies "listen mike, you never know whats gonna happen...." to thati asked what i should do about her and about vanessa. because i really care about vanessa but i love emmy and i would wait forever for her.
she says "don't give up on vanessa mike, look how happy i am with my boyfriend. give it a chance, if now. you can always go back to waiting for me...."
at this point i'm smliing but still crying. this had been bottled up for 5 years.
i'm glad she knwos, and she isn't mad at me or hurt.
she dosen't want me to die or that i'm a pig r a loose a good friend.
this is starting to get really difficult, everytie i close my eyes, i daydream about something...whatever pops into my head, mostly commercials or car ads.
i hope i wasn't yellign at anyone to much...
i'm really sorry for what this medication has made me doo.....
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[08 Mar 2008|11:02pm] |
i'm in the hospital again...but...you never know what will happen and now i don't mind so much :)
my friend vinny has a "sister" not related by blood but close just the same.
i had been talking to her online for a while now and we had gotten closer, until last night for fun she did an astrology match and it turned out we were perfect for each other. (she is a big beliver in astrology).
tonight vinny and natalie (his girlfriend and my friend) came to visit me in the hospital. Vanessa came to visit me after she got out of school....and.....i feel like we hit it off so well, we even kissed :)
so happy.
:)
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[06 Mar 2008|09:47pm] |
SO!
who's lungs suck?
my lungs suck
went in today to my docs for a follow up with the surgeon, what do i expect to happen. nothing right? quick in and out "your doing good, keep it up" being i felt amazing.
x-ray reveaaaaals....lung collapsed again
how on earth am i the only person on earth who can have a collapsed lung and not feel anything?
anyway....i'm back in the hospital, i have to get the surgery tuesday for my lung to adhear to my chest wall and while i'm under i told them to throw in a PORT so i won't get IVs anymore.
yep
thats where i stand.....back in the hosptial till next friday.
i'm not happy right now
i wanna hit something very very hard
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[26 Feb 2008|12:21pm] |
chest tube just got removed. that was unplesent....mostly because the surgon just ripped the bandage off (which was covering my nipple and armpit) the suechers sucked coming out too, my dad said that they "coulda just welded the thing into you" they had so many sechers holding the tube in. it was.....alot longer then i thought, maybe 6 inches long and an inch width.
anyway...by tomorrow i should be out of here :)
also
<a href="http://www.justsayhi.com/bb/fight5" style="display: block; background: url(http://assets.justsayhi.com/badges/8/497/fight5.op7kwl4xwh.jpg) no-repeat; width: 296px; height: 84px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 42px; color: #fff; text-decoration: none; text-align: center; padding-top: 145px;">30</a><p></p>
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[24 Feb 2008|01:30pm] |
the test is over, lol. i ended up sleeping through the vast majority of it. i passed though with a 65.
so yea, hopeflly tomorromow they'll take the chest tube out and i can go home tomorrow night.
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[24 Feb 2008|07:18am] |
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here since tuesday, the test to see if my lungs will stay inflated has just begun. 3 hours and i will see wether or not i can go home tomorrow or the next day. or wether i'll need surgery.....=/
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[20 Feb 2008|02:17am] |
bad news
4 days ago i started having some pretty heavy chest pain, bringing up alot of multicolored mucus. so i called my doc and they put me on some antibiotics and prednizone. usual treatment. well it diden't get any better
today i managed to crawl to school, then back home. my mother made me go get an x-ray. apparently i've had a collapsed lung for the past 4 days and diden't realise it.
so in i went to the hospital. they put a chest tube in me ( big tube through my chest inbetween the 5th and 6th rib) and are reinflating my lung.
2nd most painful thing i've ever expereinced.....hooo boy.
anyway, i hope i get out soon. i have no idea how long i'll be here for.
buuuut there is some good news
today i became the proud owner of a 1966 mustang :)
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